Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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