saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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