dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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