the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
