i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
