cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize