#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
