We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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