I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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