I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
