i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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