just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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