If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
