Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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