We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
