We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
