Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
