i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
