I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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