I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
