I just saw a hot homeless man
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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