East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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