Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
