I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
