I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
