I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize