Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
