I'm lost and stupid without you.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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