Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
