I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
