i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
