he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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