I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
it glows. i had to have it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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