My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Say something about gay babies.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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