I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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