I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
