Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
