Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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