you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
