And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
