Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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