Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
