Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
