I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
