If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
