what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
