I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
