sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
