I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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