Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
