Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
