i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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