i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
