So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
