you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
