i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
