If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So much rum. So many feels.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
