I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
