But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
