god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
