i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
