i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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