There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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