We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
