i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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